Letting Love Unfold

Right below this surface

Under this smiling mask

Trying to keep myself steady

Blending in with the background

I am Barely balencing

With one sentence my mask is released

And with a breath I can’t help myself I am lost and want to be brought to my knees

I can’t just breakdown letting all the gates open

I must pull myself together and moderate my emotions

I’m hiding your lose and I’m down

I’m trying to live without you around

You and I made promises and I’m dumbfound

All the mistakes I wish to erase

I’m torn apart by every by every thought

12/19

Dear tumblr the empty abyss

Where I can echo my thoughts

And Just type without a pause

I fucked up

That’s an understatement.

What do I do?

I’m hurting so bad inside.

Everything has lost its color and flavor.

Nothing is getting easier.

I’m trying. Not wallowing.

Working on me.

Looking out and up

Taking a deep breath and asking what’s next?

I want to be healthy. I want to be happy.

I want to love and be loved.

I miss her.

What else can I do?

I feel so lost, alone and scared more than I have ever been in my life.

I cry at every memory

This lump catches in my throat

My saliva thickens

It gets harder to breathe

I fucked up

With that you are no longer with me.

So another day and night has gone

That’s what they say.

Just take it day by day.

I just want to hold your hand and hear your voice

Good night.

Stuck in this position

Losing sleep

Where to turn?

I am left to confront this face to face

It was buried deep and the key was thrown away

I’ve felt guilt it tears me at the seams

Will I be able to handle myself

Contend

I want to breathe again

Live to see you smile again

12/2